Hi david,
Have you ever made a huge change, like losing a bunch
of weight, only to find that you regress back to where
you were in an equally impressive rebound?
It's easy to glamorize dramatic change, but the truth
is that most effective change happens slowly, bit by bit,
over time. Even changes that seem like big leaps were
made possible by a series of preparatory steps.
The reasons for this are two strong tendencies etched
into the survival mechanisms of our brains. Knowing these
tendencies can help you make the type of positive life
changes that will be productive and really "stick."
Our bodies and brains are programmed for the status quo.
We are conditioned to return to a familiar reference point,
especially if that reference point satisfies an emotional
need. Unless something dramatic happens to push us to a new
place, we'll tend to fluctuate around a comfort zone.
For example,we'll stay in a familiar body-weight range,
maintain the same relationships, and keep the same type
of jobs. Our present reference point has a strong anchoring
effect. We tend to identify with where we are now and measure
everything according to that.
Secondly, from this reference point, we have a strong
aversion to loss, while having a weaker attraction to gain.
For example, when negotiating a contract, receiving
"anything less than where you are at" is tremendously
undesirable. You will fight tooth and nail not to lose
something that you already have. On the other hand, you'll
have much less energy for gaining something you don't
already have.
This tendency to "avoid loss at all costs" keeps things
heavily weighted toward the status quo. Your present
reference point, even if it isn't all that desirable, is
a known, you consider it "yours," and you're unlikely
to give it up without having a very powerful reason.
How does knowing "the weight of your present reference
point" and your "strong aversion to loss" help you
make changes?
Well, it may help you be more conscious about what it really
takes to change. Here are three things you can do to work with
those conservative tendencies, so you can make the changes
you desire.
1. You'll be more successful in making a change if you can
establish a new reference point for yourself. For example,
if you want to lose weight, establish a goal-weight that feels
doable and imagine yourself there. If you want a new job, define
something that fits your interests, talents, and resources and
imagine yourself doing it.
Establish a new point of reference and practice seeing
yourself there. Become familiar with it. Read about it.
Talk to others who've done it. And learn anything you need
to know to get to where you want to go.
2. Make a plan of small, very-doable steps toward your
new reference point. If you take huge leaps, you are likely
to rebound if you don't get the results you desire right away.
If you have even a small setback, loss aversion will likely
pull you all the way back to where you started. When you take
small incremental steps, you generate "small wins" which
positively reinforce what you are doing and slowly familiarize
you with living toward your new reference point.
3. Know that there's a strong "pull back" to the
status quo, especially when you encounter rough
spots. Understand that you will have challenges and
mentally prepare for them ahead of time. In other words,
have a back-up plan of action for facing potential setbacks.
Then, when that situation comes up, you'll be more ready for it.
This way the inevitable bumps in the road are less likely to
knock you back to ground zero - your previous reference point.
For example, if you plan to exercise on the way home from
work, but a meeting keeps you late, you might have a
"backup plan" of taking a walk after dinner or getting up
early the next day to get your workout in.
Being aware of the twin tendencies to "maintain the status
quo" and "avoid losses," you can consciously take
these three steps:
*Set a new reference point and imagine yourself there.
*Establish a plan of small steps to get there.
*Plan ahead for what to do when a setback happens.
With these three strategies in place, your plans for positive
change have the best chance for success.
Enjoy your practice,
Kevin & Matt
P.S. This month at Spiritual Growth Monthly, we're exploring
the best ways to let go of old habits and establish powerful
new ones.
http://www.spiritualgrowthmonthly.com/
~~~~~
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